Wow. A Hee Haw Cameo. So Cool, Johnny. So Cool.

How to Write a Real Song, Part Two

The Lord gave me this song. I gave it to my girl, Beth.

"Love"
Music and Lyrics by Jason Childress

Verse

G F# F E

My woman’s lightning in a bottle/yep, my girl is full throttle

And I ain’t ever seen such a pretty, pretty thing

She’s sweeter than molasses/and from here to Calabasas

G G F# F

We’ll praise the Lord for this matrimonial fling

Chorus

A

Down at the altar, where my lust burned into love,

D

My angel stepped down from heaven above

Verse

G F# F E

That lady’s positively fine/I’m proud to call her mine

A dime a dozen, no that sho’ ain’t her

Like Visa, she is priceless/a Virgo to my Pisces

G G F# F

We fit just like a pimp all cloaked in fur

Chorus

A

Down at the altar, where my lust burned into love,

D

My angel stepped down from heaven above

Bridge

Verse

G F# F E

If she was a car she’d be a Beemer/a treat on Halloweener

With all that sexy, sanctified sass, to boot

Does dishes after dinner/she cooks too, what a winner

G G F# F

Fellas, wow, my girl's a hoot

Repeat Chorus

How to Write a Real Song, Part One

When Cash wasn't busy stealing Trent Reznor's songs, he was penning wonderful odes like "The General Lee".

Now all you wanna-be hep cats gonna blast this out your '57 Chevys? When you're finished with this, I'll let you in on a new ditty I just wrote. Compare the two, and see how a real minstrel rolls.



Here's the lyrics to that, in case you need to cover it at church or something.

I'm a charger
That charges through the night
Like an orange bolt of lightning
Passing everything in sight
I'm the best pal the Duke boys' ever had
I'm thunder on the highway looking bad, bad, bad

I'm a knight
Like the kind in shining armor
With my polished body gleaming
I'm a fighter and a charmer
If trouble comes your way just ask for me
My friends all know me as the General Lee

I'm the General Lee
A piston pumpin' steel bumpin' calvalry
I'll never let you down when you're riding with me
Buckle up and I'll show you what I mean
Take a look back there
Sirens blowing red lights flashing everywhere
We'll cross the field and we'll be runnin' free
They'll eat dust with compliments of me
The General Lee

I'm a hero
And that's how I'll make you feel
When you're riding shotgun with me
And the law is at your heels
I'm glory bound and when the chase is done
I'll take off throught the mountains and have fun, fun, fun

I've got style
Tearing throught the curves
With my flag waving proudly to the people that I serve
I'm number 1 and I'll always be
The pride of the South they call the General Lee

I'm the General Lee
A piston pumpin', steel bumpin' cavalry
I'll never let you down when you're riding with me
Buckle up and I'll show you what I mean
Take a look back there
Sirens blowing red lights flashing everywhere
I'll jump that pond and we'll be running free
And they'll go swimming compliments of me
The General Lee
The General Lee
General Lee
(muscle engine roaring)
(Dixie horn)

Audi 5000,

JC

Interview With the Press

Well, I'm getting some press. Got interviewed by The Holy Observer. It's a big-time Christian media outlet. They wanted to know my views on that adulterer and purveyor of crappy tunes, Cash.

You know me. I shoot straight from the hip.

They said they're posting the story sometime this autumn.

Let's just hope they're not like the regular liberal media who get it all twisted and take stuff out of context.

Peace and love,

JC

Two Weeks and Counting . . .

Hey guys,

Prayer changes things, I suppose. It's been 14 days since I last had to play "Hungry" Cash-style at church. In fact, I haven't heard a Cash song in about a month.

Worship Leader Todd must be feeling the effects of my prayers, because he hasn't even broached the the subject of doing anymore Cash songs. He had been talking about a cover of "Big River", but, thank the Lord, we ain't doing that.